Here we are ladies and gentlemen, just over a week away from ‘The Granddaddy of ‘Em All’ live from the AT&T Stadium in Dallas, Texas (home of the Cowboys). As they’re preparing the stadium to host (what is hopefully) an attendance record breaking event, we’re all preparing our reactions to what may be, the beginning of the Roman Empire. While a third of us may be ready to riot like it’s One Night Stand 2006, the second third of us may be ready to critique the Cena Haters with their opposition of Super Non-Cena 2k16. And for the final third of us – we’re currently wondering what happened to the push that was granted to Bray Wyatt approximately two years ago. Nevertheless, Wrestlemania still sucks the child out of all of us and we unite as one to witness the next installment of Vincent K.’s greatest seed. And with that, let’s take a look at the matches and my predictions (which are almost certain to come into fruition).
The Usos vs The Dudley Boyz: Although the Usos are coming off a loss at Wrestlemania 31, they still came out on top at Wrestlemania 30 (winning tag team gold). So far this match has not been declared a tables match, but perhaps that could have been in the best interest for a clean victory by the Usos. The Dudleys certainly have not met the expectation of many, but in the best interest of the tag team division, they are indeed the two-man Chris Jericho. I will indeed think the E will be U-so Crazy not to have Jimmy and Jey win in lieu of the post-Mania formal rebirth of the tag division.
Winners: Jimmy and Jey Usos
The Third Annual Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal:
Captain Insano (Big Show) vs Kane vs Braun Strowman vs a world of little people. Since Cesaro is currently rehabbing his injury, I see Strowman in a final 2 with Show to declare a new AtGMBR Winner. Khali will likely be no where in sight, so Braun will bring the brass and help carry the momentum for the Wyatt family.
Winner: Braun Strowman
WWE United States Championship: Ryback vs Kalisto (C)
FEED ME MORE… luchador action. In a world where Ryback reigns supreme, he most likely did not achieve his Mania goal this year. The momentum was indeed lost years ago alongside Brad Maddox’s referee heel turn. In an effort to build Rey Mysterio 2.0, they will indeed lead Kalisto down a long road of success. If he successfully defended against ADR, there’s no reason for a repeat. I see a hard fought battle, culminating in a successful title defense. If the rumors bear true, Kalisto vs Mysterio will have us all screaming Monday Nitro! at this summer’s Summerslam.
Winner: Kalisto — Further Prediction: A Lucha Dragon break-up, attracting even more lucha action.
Team Lana: Lana, Tamina, Emma, Summer Rae vs Team Brie: Brie Bella, Alicia Fox, Natalya and Paige.
What in the world happened to Paige? Since the depart of AJ Lee, Paige has truly fallen off the map. She should be highlighting the Women’s Triple Threat into a Fatal Four Way. In what is in position just to give these Divas an extra Wrestlemania paycheck, it should be a quick match. We do see one of these every year. However, I don’t see Lana debuting in a loss. I believe she wont be in the ring long, but will debut in a crucial aspect to truly decide the match.
Winner: Team Lana
Triple Threat For The WWE Divas Title: Charlottle (C) vs Sasha Banks vs Becky Lynch
In an attempt to finally separate Charlotte from her dad, I see a major turmoil coordinating with the finish of the match. It gives Charlotte a sense of keeping her push although a second step closer to a 16-time reign. And it also gives the fans what they want in a trip to the Boss’ office. Sasha Banks with the victory and an amazing Wrestlemania moment after amazing success leading her to this point.
Winner: Sasha Banks
Grudge Match: Chris Jericho vs “The Phenomenal” AJ Styles
Although we thought this feud would have ended at Fast Lane, it seems to have struck another life to hopefully give us a match that is truly “Phenomenal”. Jericho is as Jericho Does, giving us some excitement with Styles’ first ‘Mania victory. For those of you who did purchase the shirts, I do apologize.
However, this will be a phenomenal summer with AJ being able to tackle his way through the remaining roster. When the likes of Orton, Cesaro, Super Cena, and many others return, we’re sure to witness numerous great matches from Styles. Unless I’ve missed it – Styles vs Del Rio would certainly be something to grasp my attention. This should be a great match, hopefully less botches (for the sake of my co-Kicks And Things founder).
Winner: AJ Styles
Handicap Match for the WWE Tag Team Titles: The League of Nations vs The New Day (C)
How badly I wanted to call them the League of Booty, you readers will never know haha. However, I believe we do see The New Day earn a Wrestlemania victory (after losing last year). To truly give us a wonderful experience that I truly thought had no chance at ever becoming anything entertaining, I was left purchasing two New Day tees and feeling extremely ‘salty’ in response to their success. I loved Kofi as a singles competitor and appreciated Big E when Dolph won the strap (although I believe just believe being alongside AJ Lee was glamour enough. Big E wouldn’t have been this HBK’s Big Daddy Cool). We’ve seen plenty of this match in the last month or so, so it should go by extremely quickly. This won’t have the same length as the dumpster match between New Age Outlaws vs Foley/Funk (WM14) but it will leave us happy that this feud has finally ended. And hopefully with a brand split, Sheamus will be left to reside on Thursday nights and we can see Rusev and ADR battling it out amongst the legends on Monday nights.
Without trying to have the Great One intrude too much on the event (which he easily could during the main event), he will be telling the world how he will shine unicorn horns up and stick them straight up Xavier Woods’ ass. Many of us were wondering how the Rock would be involved with Mania and even though he will most likely also have a backstage event, he was here to pass the comedy torch and entertainment factor to The New Day.
And to celebrate this grand victory, I hope New Day understands that Unicorns and unicorn headbands will now on be considered SAWFT on Monday nights when we witness a legendary Jordan Brand debut by Enzo and Cass.
Winners: The New Day
Ladder Match for the WWE Intercontinental Title: Kevin Owens (C) vs The Miz vs Dolph Ziggler vs Sami Zayn vs Stardust vs Zack Ryder vs Sin Cara
First and foremost, we can consider Miz and Dolph out. Let’s go over the other possibilities… Sin Cara will only be considered victorious if they intend him and Kalisto to go toe-to-toe (but then again, it could lead to a feud of jealousy which would make for good lucha battles. Stardust .. he’d have to lose the latex and gain back the mustache if he has any hopes to win this. He will, however, have a great performance. Now for the legitimate possibilities: Kevin Owens: Most likely. It is KO Mania. Zayn, I believe is the most likely to walk out as champion. Him and KO have had tremendous tension over the last few months and what better way to debut at Mania than winning the IC strap. So I think that leaves us with our victor. *leaves crinkle* *baby oil drips* *Jersey Shore references fill the air*. Alright, alright alright. He may be thinning in the hair department, but he still is loved amongst fans. And don’t even act surprised because WOO WOO WOO… you knew it. Ryder has a legit chance to win this match (even though he in a filler for Neville). But even if a miracle strikes and he does win, he’ll only drop it the next night to a returning Randy Orton.
Your Winner and NEW WWE Intercontinental Champion: Sami Zayn
No Holds Barred Street Fight: Brock Lesnar vs Dean Ambrose
Although we probably won’t witness an appearance from Chainsaw Charlie and the Three Faces of Foley, the hardcore legends will still live through Ambrose like its an “I Quit” match vs The Rock. As much as I want to witness Ambrose with a clean victory over the Beast Incarnate, I don’t see it happening. There will most likely be blood, maybe an electrocution, an F-5 through a table (or on the steel steps), and without a doubt 2-dozen suplexes. Suplex City will host one individual this Sunday evening and his name is Dean Ambrose. Lesnar walks out dominant and Ambrose smiles through a Crimson Mask.
Winner: Brock Lesnar
The Main Event
WWE World Heavyweight Championship Title Match: Triple H (C) vs Roman Reigns
No Seth Rollins. No glamour There will be blood. There is also zero chance that Triple H walks out as champion. Whether its a clean victory of not, we will finally have the first formal crowning of Roman Reigns as WWE Champ. And if you thought it was going to be all Happy Go Lucky, Reigns will be confronted by none other than Bray Wyatt to help focus his next feud and have Trips deal with whatever business tends to him.
Winner: Roman Reigns
Hell In A Cell: Shane McMahon vs Undertaker (Control of Raw vs Taker’s Last Mania)
If Shane doesn’t either get tossed off of the cell or through the cell, we all lose. There is no chance that this match ends fairly because I do believe that Shane will end up overtaking the authority thus bringing us a Brand Split and a draft in mid-2016. Whatever this grand surprise is, is exactly why we watch Wrestlemania every single year. Shane will compete in this match and put his body on the line like its a triple threat vs Kane and Steve Blackman.
Winner: If Clean: Taker , if Not Clean: Shane but in very persuasive circumstances.
Mania will be as much as it can be without Cena, Orton, Cesaro, Sting, Daniel Bryan, and the dozen other names that couldn’t overcome the dangers of injury. Hopefully we all enjoy it and whatever we were left yearning for gets delivered for us at Summerslam. Happy Mania Season Everyone! Comment your favorite Mania Event and Mania Matches Below!